i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
