My nipple is on Facebook.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
