Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
