I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
