sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
