You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
