dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
