ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
