I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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