I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
