im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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