uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
too bad you live with your parents still
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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