Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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