life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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