If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Your dad touched me again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
