watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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