are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
