He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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