Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Randomize
