the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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