Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
