We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
