Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My bed is full of blood and feathers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
