I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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