Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
