Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
