are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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