Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
