erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
