We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Rumble strips road head = magical
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
