He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
