i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
