I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
