She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
