Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
