last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize