i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
