He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
