Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
