She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
