saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
