Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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