On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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