Are we in a gay sports bar?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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