At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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