I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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