How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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