Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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