he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
