So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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