I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
