That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
