yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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