she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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