Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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