Define "chronic" masturbator.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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