I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
