we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
