but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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