Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
