tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
