my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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