Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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