nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
