I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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