If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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