The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
