Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
