this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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