there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
