i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
