I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
