one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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