I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
